If he became more devout, The Bumble could turn this into a rout. For Hamburgler has every tool to make us look the fool. Perhaps some DHB and UFC appearances could make all the differences? Notably, Chambermaid is the member of the War Deck Aficionados Club. Major titles: 0
The Bob Saget of The Majors, A-Frame is a relative newcomer on scene. Fitting right in with well placed anecdotes and timely off-color raillery, Colonel Crittendon is pure delight! Major titles: 0
He'll crush you with this hand and putt with that hand. Teddy bear spirit and disarming temperament, watch as Astroprojector smoothly sails his seven iron right past your #sad driver. At every Major, Cool Mo Deener is in the mix and always has a new truck. Major titles: 1
#1 in career wins, #1 on the Money List and former World #1, Big Peazy is clearly the most successful player in Majors history. Though Edbradneezer Screwed has fallen in the ranks and hasn't won a Major since 2015, if you are going to win you have to go through him one way or another. Jean Khakis is a Majors Founding Father and is Tournament Director of the Unfrozen Caveman. Major titles: 17
To be clear, there is only one reason Guitar Man plays. To coolly take our money. For good measure, he even takes little Clyde Barrow Jr.'s money. Just as sure as E=mc squared, if Hank Gondorff is in it, you will certainly not win it. Is Bat Soup's sinister game a naturally occurring phenomenon or, more likely, was it deliberately released from the lab? Major titles: 3
The Handler giveth (the ultimate sponsor recruiter) and The Handler taketh away (Doedywood Squares). And away (Ace'n'Geary fund). Top 5 in the Money List and climbing, Melakon seemingly never leaves the Top 10 of the World Rankings - though WN1 remains elusive for him. Doedy Fayed is one of only three players on earth with a certified Majors Hole In One. Major titles: 5
If consistency could win majors, Newenkirkin The Big Finn would have ninety of them. Minus the fifty he hasn't played in because somebody said EMF. Alas, however, that first championship continues to elude he of the sweet short fade, our cuddly Care Bear. Top twenty money? Top twenty world rankings? Yes, yes and very good. But everybody awaits "The Win". Major titles: 0*
*1 Sprint victory (not a major!)
It would be no act of bravery to say his swing is savory. Yes, we're all talking about Rod Lavery. Er, Pat Lavery. When Louie Latrine came on the scene in 2019*, he made everybody feel unclean. This because his swing was so damn dirty. Major titles: 0
*2021 actually
The Majors' own Dennis Rodman, Perceval Pooprings once played the final round of the UFC using only a sand rake. Hinterlander is also the only competitor in Majors history to be disqualified in the middle of a tournament. Despite in-your-face insubordination and an unhealthy dedication to the KJO Tour, Matt Game '77's popularity is at an alltime high. Major titles: 2
The Mobius Strip punctured the Majors Membrane only last year but experts agree, Klein Bottle's first title will come via the Mondo at Royal Madison. Maybe because he thinks in five dimensions (only four required for the Mondo) or perhaps because that's the only Major that Eight Faces of Eve knows about. Major titles: 0
The last few years have been a bit of a renaissance in E. Jansov K's Majors career. Always a Mondo mainstay, Corn Cron Louie has been branching out of late into UFC's and Hoo Hoo Shoots. The Backle represented Team Peoria in the 2021 and 2023 Astronaut Jones Cups. Historical note: Thos B Kennedy III won the first tournament ever held - the 2001 UFC. Major titles: 1
"Wiggle Wins The Mondo" is the only missing episode from the TWags History Channel. Everything else is available for viewing including "Sod Farm Woman's Hoo Hoo Harvest", "Pajama Troll Takes The Cup" and, "The Hatband and Mrs. Shortputts". Always at the front of the starting grid, Frisco Jones has all he needs reach World Number One. Major titles: 3
In 2009 The Big Meaty Shield unleashed a Reign Of Terror on the Majors the likes of which the world has never seen. By summer of 2010 Some Solid Bomb had laid waste to five Majors in a row and everyone truly believed the sun was never going to shine anymore. While the public golf emergency has abated, experts agree a Blue Plague variant could reemerge at any time. Car Hit is director of The HHS and Tour Championship. Major titles: 11
The one and done discussion has understandably begun. Ladbrokes now says your are more likely to see Old John Sutter swinging in a harness, chipping Zhiguli-sized boogs from C-Hor's nose than swinging a club in a Major. Is the Young Prospector a pandemic-only player? Bright note: the UFC-19 winner is a Final Exam lock. Major titles: 1